I never wanted it to come to this, now they have me surrounded, corn syrup at the ready.
“Come on out, we don’t want to hurt you, we just want you to listen to the news and drink your corn syrup” the chief says over the radio.
With full force I kicked down the door: “THE MESSIAH WILL BE VICTORIOUS! THE ANTICHRIST WILL FAIL! THE VATICAN WILL BURN! BLACKROCK, THE WORLD BANK, THE SLAVEMASTERS WILL ALL FALL! THE SLAUGHTERHOUSES YOU CALL KINGDOMS WILL BURN EVEN IF I DIE, LIKE A MILLION ARROWS WE WILL FLY! IN GOD I WILL BE REBORN! THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED! HOLY HOLY HOLY IS JESUS THE LORD!”
“Sir, we got him. He was wearing a great quality ‘I HATE THE ANTI-CHRIST’ Hoodie that looks like a limited run, it also seems that it is:
• 100% cotton face
• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester
• with a front pouch pocket
• and deep armholes for ease and mobility for when you’re on the field rejecting the corn syrup
• with a front pouch pocket 👀
• and it has matching flat drawstrings…
…wait a minute he’s still breathing!! Ach–!”