I never wanted it to come to this, now they have me surrounded, corn syrup at the ready.
“Come on out, we don’t want to hurt you, we just want you to listen to the news and drink your corn syrup” the chief says over the radio.
With full force I kicked down the door: “THE MESSIAH WILL BE VICTORIOUS! THE ANTICHRIST WILL FAIL! THE VATICAN WILL BURN! BLACKROCK, THE WORLD BANK, THE SLAVEMASTERS WILL ALL FALL! THE SLAUGHTERHOUSES YOU CALL KINGDOMS WILL BURN EVEN IF I DIE, LIKE A MILLION ARROWS WE WILL FLY! IN GOD I WILL BE REBORN! THE TRUTH WILL BE REVEALED! HOLY HOLY HOLY IS JESUS THE LORD!”
…
“Sir, we got him. He was wearing a great quality T-Shirt that looks like a limited run, it also seems that it is:
• 100% ring-spun cotton
• has a fabric weight of 6.1 oz
• is garment-dyed and won’t shrink
• with a relaxed fit
…wait a minute he’s still breathing!! ACK–!”